I moved into a new apartment about three weeks ago, because my old apartment was a company apartment, and the company went bankrupt. Anyway the new apartment's pretty nice. Cheap, clean, and I dont even have to clean the toilet. Every weekday a cleaning lady comes and scrapes my skid marks off the bowl.
I'm not rich, I live in a new style of apartment where I have my own room, but the showers, bathrooms, giant kitchen and living room are shared with everyone in my building. As they can't trust us to keep anything clean, all the public areas are cleaned by said cleaning lady. I really like living here, because I can socialize in two languages with 60 people from seven different nations. Eighty percent of the residents are Japanese, but other nations represent yo. Unfortunately we have one New Zealander.
It's quite a nice looking, somewhat upmarket place. Everything is white.
Which is why my feelings were hurt when my ex-roomate came for a visit and said "It's basically just a glorified backpackers." Fuck you Peter! You live in a shithole. I know cause I was responsible for most of the holes and at least half the shit.
But he's right in a way, because even though my toilet is cleaned, has a heated seat and a push-button operated nozzle for cleaning your asshole, it isn't really my toilet. Everything, from the little door with the latch that turns to red to show it's occupied, to the cheap toilet paper rolled up inside a shiny metal dispenser, points to the fact that everyday I have to shit in a public toilet.
Okay, so everyday might be a slight exaggeration. My whole family has this problem. My mother drinks boatloads of Metamucil daily to prevent what doctors call anal fissure. I myself didnt shit for almost a week when I was travelling in Germany, living off wurst and sour crout. My sister Melanie exclaimed on her wedding day that she hadn't taken a dump in four days, despite receiving suppositories administered by her soon-to-be husband. Saving it for the honeymoon I guess.
Anyway, even if I do have to shit in a public toilet, I really like my new place.
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8 comments:
Every member of the family except me. I'm regular as atomic clockwork. It's called fibre, you should try it once in a while.
Here's a thought - try cooking rather than eating out every night. Do you even have a kitchen in the new place?
The 327th Male
It is so a glorified backpackers. It's nicer than most backpackers, true, but I'm right. So fuck you, with bells on.
You'd like that wouldn't you Peter, you sick bastard! Bet you already bought the bells.
Dan: yes, it has a huge kitchen, three stoves, three sinks, three fridges.
I did have a windchime, but someone shot it.
look, 327, you can eat all the fibre in the world but if you have IBS, nothing really helps!
That first comment was from Mele.
This one is from me:
Only FOUR days? She wuz being modest ... And by the way, I know it's just the internet talking, but why are the Japanese obsessed with poo? (we've all seen the poo/ice cream cafe) And are you taking on this internet-based cultural obsession from living too long in the land of the rising sun and the flushing toilet?
I thought that was the Germans, but then you'd know more about that. Anyway it's not so taboo to talk about diarrhoea and stuff here if you're having problems. Also, I guess people are used to being closer to it because most eastern toilets are squat style, with no water to submerse the poo and squash the stench. Yay!
Hi.
I am living lion's new apartmant too. I am Japanese. and I can't read English a lot. My name is Kimi.
lion is good guy. I like him.
I wish lion is going to success in Japan. and I trust that.
And someday I'm going to go to Australia.
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