ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

Yes I like the Bowie song. Yes I am sad.
Anyway, this entry is about changes that have happened to my personality, I guess. This was sparked by a recent incident. You see, I bought a bag recently. Nothing special about that. It's a cheap, $3, pocket-sized foldable bag you can use instead of plastic bags at the supermarket. Then I realized that I'd have nothing to put my trash in before I put it out on the street on Mondays and Fridays. So I wondered why I bought it in the first place. Was I trying to be kind to the environment? Not really, that's more Dan's shtick now .... was it just because it was cheap? Then it hit me. I bought it because it had a cute picture of a dog on it.


What have I become? I thought to myself.
The answer is, slightly Japanese, I really think so. I don't think I would have bought this bag in Australia, but I don't know if it's because I've changed, or my circumstances have ... would the checkout chick think I was gay? Or would I think it was gay?
Anyway, I tend to like much cuter, dare I say girly things than I did before. I want to buy the new Suzuki Swift. I like babies with tomato sauce.
Other evidence points towards my general easternization. Everyone who comes to visit me here says I'm more polite now. I had to delete the word ketchup from the last paragraph before I put the hyperlink in. Eating rice with a spoon seems like a very strange thing to do, and I wonder how to eat anything on my plate that isn't big enough for one mouthful.
I've started exercising daily. That's a good change.

I always thought I didn't like Japanese music

... but it turns out I was just a decade or two late. Welcome to my new favorite song.

bullet points

• people don't work for money, they work for respect - which is why I can work for peanuts and be happy
• my new Junior High job is lots lots of fun, and I have a lot of down time so I can study Japanese at work
• women is bitches
• I can now watch a Japanese TV show and understand 80 percent of the dialogue and 100 percent of the story, but only if the show is about a little boy who likes baseball a lot and on is on channel 3 at 9:30 Saturday mornings
• junior high school students in Japan are weird. Everyday they practice sports until 5pm after school with all the discipline and regimen of a military unit
• three junior high school students like me, one says she loves me and the other two asked me to sign their books like I was some kind of rock star or something. I was both disturbed and flattered by this
• women my own age are decidedly less interested in me than junior high school students. I should be a pervert or something.

Analyse my dream

So I had a dream last night. There's this girl that I like. She hits all the qualities on my top five list. Anyway, last night I had a dream about her.
Not that kind of dream.
Anyway, we were with a bunch of people hanging out somewhere, when we see this lake and decide to separate from the group and go onto the lake on two inflatable mattresses, for some reason. Suddenly it becomes clear the lake is part of some trash dump - there's a pile of trash over on the side and some things floating in the water. I realise the floating things are actually futons (foldable Japanese floor beds), and they are still wrapped in the original plastic packaging. Figuring they are new, I decide to get a couple because I'll have some guests staying at my house soon. As I'm trying to fish them out of the lake, I see a look of disgust on her face - she has totally lost all respect, and anything else she had for me.
Analyse that, Freuds! Post comments. Hi Hiroko, if you're reading this. Sorry I'm a tight ass.

I fired the bird

I find many Japanese people frustrating. Not for any real reason ... my beef is all about their inability to communicate, to simplify their spoken Japanese so that I can understand it. Here is a guide:
1) Speak slowly
2) Use simple words
3) Use short sentences
That's it. It ain't rocket science. But the average conversation goes like this (translated into english)

"Hey man, did you get up to much today?"
What? Could you speak more slowly please?
"Sorry, ah, did you get up to much today?"
Get ... up ... I got up at 10AM.
"No, I mean, did you do this or that today?"
You're speaking fast again. Please speak slowly, and use simple words. Imagine I am three years old.
"Ok, ah, what activities did you do today?"
Acutibity ....

ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS SAY THIS:
What did you do today?

It's not hard. But almost nobody knows how to do it, because they've never had to do it before. The reason I get so frustrated, is because I can, and have, had english conversations about the internal components of nuclear power stations with students whose english vocabulary was about 150 words. I can communicate any meaning using about four words and gestures, and I can understand almost any broken gibberish sentence thrown at me. For example (and these are all taken from reality):
"Yesterday, I sleep the car."
This means the student slept in his car yesterday.
"I eat the restaurant and very bad toilet."
The student got food poisoning.
"I fired the bird."
This means the student cooked a chicken dinner. They have a gas stove, and the cooking referred to was probably frying.
"I used the stove."
The student used a heater because it was cold in their apartment.

If I can do it, why can't they? Oh right, 'cause they're not professional teachers. I realize most Australian's can't do this either, but speaking to a foreigner is a two-way street. They're trying their best to understand you, you have to try your best to make yourself understood.
The reason why it really frustrates me is this. Because my level of english communication is off the scale, and most Japanese people lack the ability to communicate effectively in Japanese with learners like me, I end up speaking English to people all the time. Even with people whose English is clearly worse than my Japanese. Just so we can understand each other. Then because they understand, they think their english is much better than my Japanese. STFU, buddy.

And I didn't even mention the people that say an easily understandable sentence to me in Japanese, but too fast, and when I ask them to repeat it they resort to their completely unintelligible english. I mean unintelligible. Compared, "I fired the bird" is a model of english proficiency.

Even worse are the people that know their english is shitter than my shitty Japanese, but still talk to me in english in social situations because they want to practice. I'm an English teacher - you wanna waste my time, get out your wallet. I never talk in Japanese to people whose english is better than my Japanese. Communication is what's important, not which language it's in.

Blind date

So I had my first ever truly blind date on Friday night.
There's not much I can say about the whole experience, except comment on the almost complete lack of chemistry between us. She was Japanese, but her English was good so that wasn't the problem. In fact if I have to put it down to just one thing, I'd say it was her laugh.
You might think I'm very strange, but for me the laugh is right up there with .. actually it's top of the list. This is because out of everything I bring to the table, which isn't much, I think my humor is the biggest selling point. But Miyuki used humor as a defense mechanism - not in the brilliant I'll tell jokes when I'm nervous way, but in the I'll laugh and smile when I'm nervous and have nothing else to say way. The kind of person who smiles all the time, and who hides behind it.
I feel I'm unfairly attacking her ... most people would mention her good looks and sexiness, but I'm a strange human being indeed. In fact, my list of most desirable traits in a woman are as follows:
1) Good laugh
2) Wears sneakers and NOT high heels
3) Glasses
4) Short hair
If you know anyone like this, and they like tall skinny blokes with bad hair, send 'em my way.

Living in a winter wonderland

Woke up yesterday morning, and saw this on the street.
Everytime it snows I feel like a little boy. I mean, in the I feel like I am a little boy way, and not in the I feel like a beer I feel like a little boy way. You sicko.
'Twas Sunday, and not even the fact that I had to work could dampen my enthusiasm. Not even the fact that I slid and fell on my arse about 10m from my door, with all the grace of a fisherman picking his nose, could dampen my spirits. I was wet, but I was undampenable. Unlike snow in most of the world, snow in Japan's Kanto area is wet, and makes you wet. Everyone uses umbrellas. But not me! Like a pedo or a flasher, I had a raincoat and a smile.
On the train I emailed my apartment mates and said "let's make a snowman when I get home!" They made one without me the bastards. I stayed out and went drinking instead.
Next Sunday, I'm going skiing for the second time ever, more snow and winter fun awaits.